'Wealth' or 'stability'?

So much personal finance advice uses the term 'wealth' to describe the stated goal. You want to 'build wealth'. The word 'wealth' implies an ability to spend money freely without deliberation. Most people cannot, and should not, realistically aspire to such a lifestyle. This expectation of 'wealth' leads to spending on what we think 'wealth' looks and feels like, rather than on things that we really need and want. Advertisers have infiltrated every aspect of our lives with this message to subordinate our own tastes, values and priorities for those of an imaginary 'successful' and 'happy' version of ourselves. It has taken me 40 years to figure this out, but there is no purchase which will transform your life and make you happier, healthier or more fulfilled. Sadly, most purchases will have the opposite effect on your life.

Don't get me wrong. Driving off the lot with the brand new car of your dreams is very exhilarating. It sure feels like happiness and fulfillment! That is, until those monthly loan or lease bills start rolling in. Standing back and admiring your beautiful new house, bigger and nicer than anything you ever wished for, is a very exciting moment! But if that house has too big of a mortgage for you to comfortably handle, and you are doing without necessities and hitting credit cards to pay regular expenses, that beautiful house starts to feel like a trap. What you wouldn't give to be renting a place and driving a reliable used car! But you are upside down on both purchases and would have to pay the car company money to get out of your car and show up at the closing with a check, so you are, for the foreseeable future, stuck. You are working to pay those bills, not to build that elusive 'wealth' or to get ahead or even to do things that you, the real you, enjoy.

But what if, instead of building 'wealth', your financial goals are organized around building 'financial stability'? What does the ideal financially stable person or family 'look' like? The answer is, they don't look like any one thing. The car they drive is the one that meets their needs and that they can afford, their home is the same. They do not feel pressure to buy things that they may not really want or need in order to project an image. They may not be perfect. They might go a little over the top with Christmas purchasing, take a vaca they can't really afford or buy a house or car that is too expensive. But the difference is that they sober up afterwards and make sound financial decisions to fix the situation. I.e., they pay down the Christmas credit card balance or pay back the savings account before making any more purchases. Financially stable people have a budget which runs securely, they have necessary insurance, they have concrete and realistic financial goals, and, in the case of couples or families, they engage in transparent and productive communication about finances.

Building financial stability requires us to develop a healthy relationship with money, possessions, education and work. We have to examine our true priorities and goals in life, rather than the ones we perceive others expect from us. If you truly want something, you are willing to wait for it. If you want it because you feel that not having it reflects poorly on you, then you might do unwise things to get it quickly.